blogging

I was researching online about this condition that i have --- APAS (Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome) when I stumbled upon several blogs of women who either are also trying to conceive or have the same condition as mine. It was a good feeling for me knowing that I am not alone on this struggle my husband and I are going through. Because of this, it made me decide to create my own blog too (though I am not really good at it) but maybe this is one way to get others to share their stories with me and maybe in someway help those who are also going through pregnancy losses.

Here is my story...

My husband and I got married last December 21, 2006. At first, having kids wasn't part of our plan. We wanted to give it another year before we try making a baby. But somehow seeing our friends and relatives with their little angels made us change our minds. Three months into our marriage, I found out I was pregnant. What joy did it bring to me and my husband. A week after taking the pregnancy test, we visited my OB. Everything was okay. I took the usual vitamins and went for another check up. It was on my third check up, when my OB discovered that something was wrong. I was going on my third month and there was no heartbeat. My OB already informed us about APAS but he didn't want to confirm that I had it yet. So we tried to save the baby by injecting me with heparin and I had to take Aspilet. On my next check up, there was no baby to save anymore. The baby didn't grow and still there was no heartbeat. I was scheduled for my first DNC last April 2007. The OB said it was a blighted ovum and we should try again after 6 months. It was heartbreaking for me --- because I was so excited. I kept on crying and just felt miserable. But I had to move on. After 6 months, my husband and I tried again and guess what? I got pregnant again! We visited my OB right away and he advised me to get myself tested for APAS. I went to PGH and had my blood test. After 3 days I got the test results and showed it to my OB. The results showed that I was positive --- I have APAS!!! :-( The sad part of it all was, the day I found out I had APAS was also the day I had my second check up and found out (again) the baby was gone. My OB didn't want to be agressive so he advised me to get daily injections of heparin and to take aspirin for at least a week. Then again, it was too late to save the baby. I was scheduled for my second DNC last October 2007. This time I just wanted to give up! I felt I was being punished by God. I had a lot of quetions for him. The typical questions like: Why is this happening? What are you trying to tell me? Why me? What is your purpose for all this? But during the period of my sadness, there was one thing I realized and I should be thankful --- I realized that there are a lot of people of who really love me. Like my husband, my family and in laws, and my set of friends whom I've known for years. They helped me get through this struggle which rekindled my faith in God and just made strong again.

After my last DNC, I haven't visited my OB again or even consulted an Immunologist. Why so? To be honest I am scared. I am scared of what they will say and I am scared because we might not be able to afford it.

Right now, I am keeping my faith strong and just taking it one day at a time. Also, I am trying to look for other people who have the same condition as mine. That's why I stumbled upon those blogs. I don't know what to do actually. I know consulting an Immunologist and getting myself tested will cost a lot of money. My husband and I want to try again...but the fear of losing our baby again is over powering me. Hopefully, I will be able to find some answers or help from others.

This blog is just a start of the many blogs I will be posting about our journey --- our journey of trying to conceive!